There seem to be some fanatical thoughts going around about physical relations within marriage. It has been made out that this is some 'disgusting'thing that must be avoided and which must only be used (reluctantly) strictly to produce children.

This is nonsense. Marriage is a complete partnership - physical, mental, social, political and SPIRITUAL (ultimately).

I need to remind these (probably unmarried confused teenagers) that our grand-parents (and previous) generations world over, had large families, and if they look a little closer to home, they will find that their own great grand parents probably had 7 or 8 children which was quite normal.

These were healthy families, spiritual people, who's lives were fulfilled with the most simple lifestyle and needs - with belief in God and contentment with their lot.

The panj chor serve a purpose, the aim is to bring them under control, not despise them from the outset. Kaam is controlled through a healthy and happy married relationship - hence the importance of grihishti in Sikhi, but ultimately - Kaam is controlled with attainment of naam.



KAAM (L. M. Joshi)

(Skt. kama), meaning desire, longing, concupiscence, sensuality or lasciviousness, is counted among the five cardinal sins or sinful propensities. In common usage, the term stands for passion for sexual pleasure and it is in this sense that it is considered an evil in Sikhism. In Brahmanical literature kam is not always disdained. Kam as Kamadeva is a god in the Hindu pantheon comparable to Eros of Greek mythology and Cupid of the Romans, and is as such not contradictory to spiritual life. Kam (gratification of desire) is in Hinduism one of the four objectives (purusarthas) of human life, the other three being artha (acquirement of wealth), dharma (discharge of duty), and moksa (final emancipation). Jainism and Buddhism, which arose as protest movements against Brahmanical ritualism and superstition, however looked upon kam with horror. For munis and sramanas of Jainism and Buddhism and for yogis of the Sankhya school, kam was to be deliberately suppressed to achieve ultimate release. As a result, they preached celibacy and asceticism.
The Gurus rejected Brahmanical superstition as well as self-mortifying austerities. Yet they recognized the four purusarthas, referred to in gurbani as char padaraths or the four human pursuits. However, in Sikhism kam is not unrestricted gratification of carnal desires, but an impulse which needs to be kept under check like other impulses and passions. Unrestrained propensity towards kam, especially sexual relationship outside the marital bond, is condemned in the strongest terms in Sikh codes of conduct as well as in the Scripture. It is a destructive evil and a deadly sin. To quote Guru Arjan, Nanak V: “O Kam, thou landest people in hell and makest them wander through many births, enticest all minds, swayest all the three worlds and undoest one's meditation, austerities and restraint. The pleasure is ephemeral and thou afflictest high and low alike " (GG, 1358). Guru Tegh Bahadur, Nanak IX, says: "In the sinning heart reigns kam and the fickle mind breaks out of control. Kam casts its noose even upon yogis, jangams and sannyasis. Only those imbued with God's Name (fall not a prey to it) and are able to go across the ocean of existence" (GG, 1186). Bhai Gurdas describes an ideal Sikh as one who is loyal to his wife and "regards all other women as mothers, sisters and daughters" (Varan, XXIX. 11). Guru Gobind Singh also said: "Love your own wedded wife ever so more, but do not go to another woman's bed even in a dream." Sikh codes of conduct strictly prohibit extramarital relations.
While prescribing self-control and restraint and not total annihilation of kam, the Gurus suggested two ways of channelizing and sublimating it. On the one hand, they pronounced grihastha or married life to be the ideal one, and, on the other laid down love of God and absorption in His Name as the essential principle of spiritual discipline. Says Guru Gobind Singh, "Hear ye all, I proclaim here the truth: only they who love God find Him." The image of a devotee most common in Sikh Scripture is one of a wife deeply in love with her kant or husband presently separated from him, and waiting, craving, praying for a reunion with him. Such fervent devotion cannot but bridle the wayward passion in man. According to Guru Arjan, a person who has cultivated the love of the Lord’s feet would desire neither kingship, nor worldly power, nor even mukti or liberation (GG 534).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

1. Sabadarth Sri Guru Granth Sahib. Amritsar, 1964
2. Sher Singh, The Philosophy of Sikhism. Lahore, 1944
3. Avtar Singh, Ethics of the Sikhs. Patiala, 1970
4. Nripinder Singh, The Sikh Moral Tradition. Delhi, 1990
L. M. J.